There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
