Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
