i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
