All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We were destined to go to rehab together
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
