Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
