I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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