I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
cat food counts as protein by the way
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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