I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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