this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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