hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
