Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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