I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
