I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
