If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
