What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
