WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
