It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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