i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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