My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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