This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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