i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
