you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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