remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
