So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
