So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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