you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
