12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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