Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
