the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
