no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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