Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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