I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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