doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
