I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
