Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
