i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
