I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
