Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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