I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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