I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
