wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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