What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We had to coat check the pizza.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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