You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
