Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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