12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
