I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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