Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
