did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
