I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she smelled like a LAN party
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
