Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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