hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Please don't give away my fajitas
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
