when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
